New Plans and Comic Books
by Insert Clever Potter Name Here
Summary: Hermione brings up a fool-proof plan to move Harry. Tonks is the one in disguise, and decides to have a little fun at the expense of the Dursleys. Parody, humour, not serious at all. DH-Seven Potters


_**This is just a long joke. It's not meant to make a lot of sense.**_

* * *

"We don't necessarily need Polyjuice." Hermione said. The Order stared at her. "Have you ever thought about, I don't know, using muggle transportation? The Ministry won't be able to track him. "

"Muggle transportation?" Kingsley asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, like a car?" Hermione asked. "Just driving there to get him?"

"That's a foolish plan." Mad-Eye decided. "No, we'll do the Polyjuice-"

"With all due respect, there are flaws there." Hermione said. "Someone could get killed, lose an ear, be otherwise injured..."

"That's... extremely specific." George said, frowning. "How would one lose an ear?''

"I don't know, George!" Hermione snapped. "I'm just saying, the Order is full of halfbloods. One of you must know how to drive a car."

No one said anything.

"None of you?" Hermione asked. "Remus, your Mum was a full Muggle-"

Remus shook his head. "Mum didn't want me to learn to drive. Said I caused enough trouble off the roads."

Hermione frowned. "Alright, then. Tonks?" She asked.

"I haven't driven since I took the test." Tonks admitted.

"But you can!" Hermione said. "See, that'll be smarter, Mad-Eye. Have her drive over there, disguised and just drive off with Harry. The Death Eaters won't have the slightest idea!"

"And what are the rest of us supposed to do?" Kingsley asked.

"Go to a bar, I don't know."

* * *

Harry was startled when he heard the doorbell. Surely Mad-Eye wouldn't ring a doorbell? Uncle Vernon stomped off, pointedly looking away from Hestia and Dedalus.

"And who are you?" His voice boomed a minute later. Aunt Petunia and Dudley walked into the hall, and Harry followed. Whoever it was, he wanted to see what had Uncle Vernion sounding so angry so quickly. Mr Weasley, perhaps?

"My name is Kendra. Kendra Moody." A girl standing at the door said. Harry frowned. Kendra Moody? He looked at her closer. She had blonde hair which was tied in a high ponytail with a ribbon that matched the exact shade of blue that her sundress was. But he did notice something else- her boots. A wand sticking very slightly out of one of the boots, and he had a suspicion about who this girl actually was.

"And should I bloody well known who you are?" Uncle Vernon asked, frowning deeply.

"Oh, I was told you would know I was going to arriving." She said, with a sickly sweet smile. She winked at Dudley, who hadn't moved an inch since spotting her.

But when she winked at him, he stepped forward, holding out a hand. "I'm Dudley." He said confidently. "You look familiar, have we met?" Something was familiar even to Harry, but he was sure it was just because he knew it was Tonks, and he was sure Dudley couldn't know that.

"I don't believe so. I'd remember meeting someone like you." She said, grinning at him.

"Why would you be arriving?" Aunt Petunia asked, narrowing her eyes at the girl.

"I'm here to get Harry, of course!" 'Kendra' announced with a grin.

"And who exactly are you?" Aunt Petunia demanded.

"Kendra Moody. You met my father just over a year ago." She lied smoothly. "I figured you'd remember him, with his strange eye, and all-"

"You're his daughter?" Uncle Vernon demanded. "I would have thought that other girl-"

"Other girl?" 'Kendra' inquired, innocently.

"The one with atrocious pink hair." Aunt Petunia responded. "She seems like she'd be in a family like that."

'Kendra' raised an eyebrow, and Harry could tell she was trying to think of something to say. "She's his girlfriend." 'Kendra' finally said. "My stepmother."

Aunt Petunia's eyes widened, and almost looked in danger of falling out of her face. Harry had to turn away for a moment to keep from laughing, but it was becoming difficult.

"How old are you?" Aunt Petunia pried, and Harry could practically see the thoughts churning her head.

"17." 'Kendra' said, but she didn't sound too sure of herself suddenly.

"Oh, so you're one of _them_!" Uncle Vernon accused. "Went to school with the boy, did you?"

"School? What school?" 'Kendra' asked innocently. Harry bit down on his lip trying not to laugh, she was clearly having too much fun here.

"You know with _his_ lot." Uncle Vernon said. "Hogwarts."

"What's Hogwarts?" 'Kendra' asked, tipping her head in confusion slightly. Harry snickered into his hand, trying to stifle his laugh.

"You're saying you're not of _them_." Aunt Petunia said slowly.

"She's a Muggle." Harry blurted out. They looked at him. "Sometimes when a witch and a wizard have a kid, the kid doesn't have magic- and they're called squibs, but they're basically Muggles. Like you."

"Like _us_?" Aunt Petunia asked, looking back at 'Kendra'. "I doubt it."

'Kendra' took a step forward. "With all due respect, you'd be amazed at what we have in common." She said, and then broke into another wide, and very false, smile. "Shall we, Harry? Are you packed?"

Harry nodded slowly.

"Wait, you're telling us, that your _group_ sent you to get the boy?" Uncle Vernon asked, guffawing. "Guess you're not that important, boy!"

"Oh, he's really not." 'Kendra' said. Harry grabbed his rucksack, following her out the door. "Well, good luck!" She called as they walked down the walkway.

* * *

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Harry spoke.

"Okay, so I get that this was the secondary plan, but what was that?" Harry asked.

Tonks grinned. "I was just having fun with it." She said simply.

"I mean, you could have just walked up as yourself without the pink hair and they wouldn't have cared." Harry said.

Tonks smirked, reaching into the backseat and dropping something on Harry's lap. "I wanted to see Dudley's reaction, to be perfectly honest.'' She said.

"Betty from Archie? That's who you were?" Harry asked after a second of looking at the comic book.

She laughed. "It was as good as I imagined!" She said. "Anyway, we're driving to my parents' house, it's a couple hours, but it's safe and out of the way."

"Why didn't Mad-Eye just come and get me? Like he planned?" Harry asked.

"Something about losing ears."

"Huh?"

"Ask Hermione." Tonks said, dismissively.

"And did Hermione suggest the comic book?" Harry asked.

"Oh no, that was me." Tonks said. "I need a disguise, and figured I'd have fun while I was at it."

"You know my relatives probably hate Kendra, right?"

"Well, Kendra hates them too."


End file.
